112 replies to this topic

[Catznchocolate]

Dear Dr. Craine, 

 

Does that mean Turtle Wax is an essential item?  Or have you had to use Turtle Wax substitutes in the interim?

[craine]

Dear Catz,

Though I have been forced to use substitutes they were most certainly not in the interim, as that would hurt something awful.

My profound thanks to the many overseas companies who have looser penalties for patent infringement. While it took longer to apply, Tortoise Wax produced a tougher finish. Eggbert's Eggshell Finish was brighter but far too brittle and I couldn't resist the urge to scratch when I was near any corn products.
Whilst I am embracing the "New Normal" I have come to realize that change can be good; but it usually involves either a cash transaction or underwear.

At your service,
Dr. Craine

[Catznchocolate]

Dear Dr. Craine, have you heard of this?

 

ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE.
 

HE SAID "MY SON, THE BATTLE IS BETWEEN TWO 'WOLVES' INSIDE US ALL.  ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER, ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW, REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE, SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT, INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE, SUPERIORITY, AND EGO. THE OTHER IS GOOD. IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY, HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE, EMPATHY, GENEROSITY, TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH."

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER: "WHICH WOLF WINS?..."
 

THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED, "THE ONE THAT YOU FEED"

 

I try to feed the good wolf, but some days the evil wolf steals the food.  Any suggestions?

[craine]

Dear Catz,

This is the first time that I have heard this particular iteration of a very old concept. While it greatly oversimplifies an extremely complex issue, the idea is generally correct.

The idea of one wolf "winning" hints at a tone that is final. While one wolf can win over the other, it is important to remember that the fight continues. Each day there may be hundreds of battles. Does this mean that we should keep a tally of all battles so that we know which is in the lead? Should we try to be perfect and never let the bad wolf win? Or should we merely be mindful of the story and try to do our best?

It is my opinion that the story greatly oversimplifies how we feed the wolves. How does a young child learn to feed an animal? While it might be possible for the child to learn this through trial and error it is highly unlikely. Most children (to the extent that I will say nearly all children) learn to feed the wolves through education. This can be instructional such as what happens in the story, but at a very early age it is done through demonstration. We mimick what we are shown by our parents, guardians and relatives. This includes our expressions of emotios. Only as we get older can we become aware of how and why we are doing this and some people never get this far.
This is not to put all of the blame for our poor decisions upon our parents; only until we become aware that we are feeding the wolves and have a choice in the matter. At that point the responsibility is completely on us.

Having said all of this, no one is perfect. The bad wolf is going to win sometimes - just ask the three little pigs. The goal is to try to feed the good wolf without beating yourself up unfairly if you accidentally feed the bad wolf.

Talking about the three little pigs has made me crave bacon.

Time to cook,
Dr. Craine

[Catznchocolate]

Dear Dr. Craine,

 

Now that your colleague Dr. Fauci is recommending that people start to get out again while still taking precautions, do you have any recommendations for doing so?  Is my hero mask adequate protection?

[craine]

Dear Catz,

Your mask IS adequate protection if and only if it looks like it is adequate protection to others. Keep in mind that you will be out in the public eye and perceptions are key. A thing is only what others believe it to be; until such time that their perceptions change.

This also means that you will be subject to the rules of others in terms of societal norms. All of those fashion faux pas become possible points of contention:

Never wear white after Labor Day,

Never wear prints with vertical stripes,

And never talk with your pants full!

Your advisor in all things trivial,
Dr. Craine.

Edited by craine, 14 June 2020 - 11:46 PM.

[Always]

Dear Dr Craine,

Sorry it's been so long, I've been seeking my medical advice from Dr Doolittle during this global pandemic. But I find myself here with you now. I am concerned about the state of my navel. I have an indie, but it used to be an outfit. And what's up with men getting navel lint but women don't... I heard it's because men have belly hair, but how is this a factor, does belly hair statically send all the lint to to navel, the alternate dimensions nexus of the universe... And why when I have a cold does my nose run and my feet smell but at every other moment, my nose smells and my feet run. Please help me with my complex dilemmas.

As always
Always

[craine]

Dear Always,

It is a pleasure to hear from you and your navel.
Clearly what has happened here is that the once secure skin of your navel now feels threatened and therefore retreating within the confines of your abdomen.  It is in fact attempting to set up it's own autonomous zone in secret; and while you may attempt to ascertain why it is doing this, your efforts will be in vain since your inquiries will be met with stonewalling.

As to the lint:
All navel lint is fundamentally male in nature. It is not produced, according to popular myth, from chest hair but from using the clothes dryer. It migrates quite effortlessly through the build up and release of static charges.
Since women also use clothes dryers they also have navel lint. The fact that you cannot find it is due to the lint being gentlemanly and leaving before you look. It could also be argued that the lint would be painfully embarrassed if you discovered what it was doing in your navel, but research studies have yet to corroborate this speculation.

As for the dilemma between your nose and feet (excepting your navel):
While the garden variety forms of noses and feet are known for smelling and running, respectively, this does not imply that they each are incapable of other activities; it's merely what they routinely do according to the ancient Somatic Accords and later reaffirmed by the Geneva Convention. When they switch activities it is only to relieve their boredom. Can you imagine doing the same thing over and over again, day after day with no break? Why, that would be not unlike if you were to theoretically play a game (let's call it, I don't know, Hero Zero) and log in every day and perform the same ritualistic actions until you felt like a hamster on a wheel. Scary thought, isn't it?

Laughing maniacally,
Dr. Craine.

[Always]

Dear Dr Craine,

Thank you so much, you've put everything into perspective. I will start to water my navel in the hopes it will return to being an outtie. I don't use a clothes dryer, instead opting to hang my clothes up and letting them dry in the sun and wind, so this explains the lack of lint.

I've also discovered that the more my nose runs, the less my feet smell.

Once again, you have been very helpful. Thank you for your medical expertise.

As always
Always.

[Catznchocolate]

Dear Dr. Craine, we are nearing the holidays and still in the middle of a pandemic.  Do you have any suggestions for a safe socially distanced Thanksgiving?

[craine]

My Dear, Dear Catz,

This is an exceptionally difficult conundrum. Whilst at first blush it may seem as though Social Distancing and Thanksgiving are mutually exclusive, I fervently wish to prove that misconception false. This will necessitate the employ of a fair amount of creativity.

1) ALWAYS WEAR A MASK
2) Ushering in your guests: Wear a mask. Wear a smile.
3) Cleaning the bird: Wear a mask. Wear a smile. Wear long protective gloves.
3) Stuffing the bird: Wear a mask. Wear a smile. Wear long protective gloves. Wear pants.
4) Enjoying the holiday: Wear yourself out.

Helpful tips:

1) When serving food, reduce the number of people having direct contact with food and its dish. The host can either load each plate and set it aside to be collected by the recipient or you could be more daring and go for yardage; use a slingshot, spatula, etc. Think of Benihana.

2) Lots of food means lots of time in the bathroom. Try not to let the hallway to the bathroom become congested. Also remember to sterilize all surfaces of contact: faucet handles, door knobs, light switches, fan switches, the hoop, and the copy of Reader's Digest (see what I did there?).

3) Everyone should wear a mask at all times. If you and your guests cannot eat with masks on then you will need to eat outdoors. I suggest the roof. Nice view and any dropped crumbs roll away quite readily.

Hope this helps!!

Sincerely,
Dr. Craine

[Mountbara]

Dear Dr Craine,

    What is it and how do we cure it?

[craine]

Dear Mountbara,

Thank you for your inquiry. Whilst a known cure for the Coronavirus is as yet unknown we can still have hope that a cure will eventually be found. Perhaps the biggest clue to solving the pandemic issue can be found in the word "cure" itself.
The pork byproduct industry has been doing curing for centuries. Hams, in particular, have been cured using a variety of methods; salt, smoke, sugar, etc. Leading biomedical researchers are in fact currently looking into these methods. Their main difficulties to date include :

1) Getting a single virus cell to accept the salt without merely passing it. Perhaps not using table salt may remedy this difficulty.
2) The FDA and the Surgeon General will not permit the smoke option as smoking is bad for your health.
3) Using sugar has been the most successful as yet. The problem is that after administering said sugar the little virus vehemently resists going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Regards,
Dr. Craine