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#101 Catznchocolate

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Posted 03 June 2020 - 05:29 PM

Dear Dr. Craine, 

 

Does that mean Turtle Wax is an essential item?  Or have you had to use Turtle Wax substitutes in the interim?



#102 craine

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Posted 03 June 2020 - 07:31 PM

Dear Catz,

Though I have been forced to use substitutes they were most certainly not in the interim, as that would hurt something awful.

My profound thanks to the many overseas companies who have looser penalties for patent infringement. While it took longer to apply, Tortoise Wax produced a tougher finish. Eggbert's Eggshell Finish was brighter but far too brittle and I couldn't resist the urge to scratch when I was near any corn products.
Whilst I am embracing the "New Normal" I have come to realize that change can be good; but it usually involves either a cash transaction or underwear.

At your service,
Dr. Craine
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#103 Catznchocolate

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Posted 06 June 2020 - 04:43 PM

Dear Dr. Craine, have you heard of this?

 

ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE.
 

HE SAID "MY SON, THE BATTLE IS BETWEEN TWO 'WOLVES' INSIDE US ALL.  ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER, ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW, REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE, SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT, INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE, SUPERIORITY, AND EGO. THE OTHER IS GOOD. IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY, HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE, EMPATHY, GENEROSITY, TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH."

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED HIS GRANDFATHER: "WHICH WOLF WINS?..."
 

THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED, "THE ONE THAT YOU FEED"

 

I try to feed the good wolf, but some days the evil wolf steals the food.  Any suggestions?


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#104 craine

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Posted 06 June 2020 - 07:19 PM


Dear Catz,

This is the first time that I have heard this particular iteration of a very old concept. While it greatly oversimplifies an extremely complex issue, the idea is generally correct.

The idea of one wolf "winning" hints at a tone that is final. While one wolf can win over the other, it is important to remember that the fight continues. Each day there may be hundreds of battles. Does this mean that we should keep a tally of all battles so that we know which is in the lead? Should we try to be perfect and never let the bad wolf win? Or should we merely be mindful of the story and try to do our best?

It is my opinion that the story greatly oversimplifies how we feed the wolves. How does a young child learn to feed an animal? While it might be possible for the child to learn this through trial and error it is highly unlikely. Most children (to the extent that I will say nearly all children) learn to feed the wolves through education. This can be instructional such as what happens in the story, but at a very early age it is done through demonstration. We mimick what we are shown by our parents, guardians and relatives. This includes our expressions of emotios. Only as we get older can we become aware of how and why we are doing this and some people never get this far.
This is not to put all of the blame for our poor decisions upon our parents; only until we become aware that we are feeding the wolves and have a choice in the matter. At that point the responsibility is completely on us.

Having said all of this, no one is perfect. The bad wolf is going to win sometimes - just ask the three little pigs. The goal is to try to feed the good wolf without beating yourself up unfairly if you accidentally feed the bad wolf.

Talking about the three little pigs has made me crave bacon.

Time to cook,
Dr. Craine
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#105 Catznchocolate

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Posted 14 June 2020 - 11:30 PM

Dear Dr. Craine,

 

Now that your colleague Dr. Fauci is recommending that people start to get out again while still taking precautions, do you have any recommendations for doing so?  Is my hero mask adequate protection?


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#106 craine

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Posted 14 June 2020 - 11:45 PM

Dear Catz,

Your mask IS adequate protection if and only if it looks like it is adequate protection to others. Keep in mind that you will be out in the public eye and perceptions are key. A thing is only what others believe it to be; until such time that their perceptions change.

This also means that you will be subject to the rules of others in terms of societal norms. All of those fashion faux pas become possible points of contention:

Never wear white after Labor Day,

Never wear prints with vertical stripes,

And never talk with your pants full!

Your advisor in all things trivial,
Dr. Craine.

Edited by craine, 14 June 2020 - 11:46 PM.

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#107 Always

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Posted 15 June 2020 - 01:38 PM

Dear Dr Craine,

Sorry it's been so long, I've been seeking my medical advice from Dr Doolittle during this global pandemic. But I find myself here with you now. I am concerned about the state of my navel. I have an indie, but it used to be an outfit. And what's up with men getting navel lint but women don't... I heard it's because men have belly hair, but how is this a factor, does belly hair statically send all the lint to to navel, the alternate dimensions nexus of the universe... And why when I have a cold does my nose run and my feet smell but at every other moment, my nose smells and my feet run. Please help me with my complex dilemmas.

As always
Always :)
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                                (smug)      Always aim for the moon          (angel)

 

                                                       If you miss   

 

                              (devil)          You'll land in the stars         :wub:


#108 craine

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Posted 15 June 2020 - 03:42 PM


Dear Always,

It is a pleasure to hear from you and your navel.
Clearly what has happened here is that the once secure skin of your navel now feels threatened and therefore retreating within the confines of your abdomen.  It is in fact attempting to set up it's own autonomous zone in secret; and while you may attempt to ascertain why it is doing this, your efforts will be in vain since your inquiries will be met with stonewalling.

As to the lint:
All navel lint is fundamentally male in nature. It is not produced, according to popular myth, from chest hair but from using the clothes dryer. It migrates quite effortlessly through the build up and release of static charges.
Since women also use clothes dryers they also have navel lint. The fact that you cannot find it is due to the lint being gentlemanly and leaving before you look. It could also be argued that the lint would be painfully embarrassed if you discovered what it was doing in your navel, but research studies have yet to corroborate this speculation.

As for the dilemma between your nose and feet (excepting your navel):
While the garden variety forms of noses and feet are known for smelling and running, respectively, this does not imply that they each are incapable of other activities; it's merely what they routinely do according to the ancient Somatic Accords and later reaffirmed by the Geneva Convention. When they switch activities it is only to relieve their boredom. Can you imagine doing the same thing over and over again, day after day with no break? Why, that would be not unlike if you were to theoretically play a game (let's call it, I don't know, Hero Zero) and log in every day and perform the same ritualistic actions until you felt like a hamster on a wheel. Scary thought, isn't it?

Laughing maniacally,
Dr. Craine.
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#109 Always

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Posted 15 June 2020 - 09:31 PM

Dear Dr Craine,

Thank you so much, you've put everything into perspective. I will start to water my navel in the hopes it will return to being an outtie. I don't use a clothes dryer, instead opting to hang my clothes up and letting them dry in the sun and wind, so this explains the lack of lint.

I've also discovered that the more my nose runs, the less my feet smell.

Once again, you have been very helpful. Thank you for your medical expertise.

As always
Always.
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                                (smug)      Always aim for the moon          (angel)

 

                                                       If you miss   

 

                              (devil)          You'll land in the stars         :wub:


#110 Catznchocolate

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Posted 08 November 2020 - 09:55 PM

Dear Dr. Craine, we are nearing the holidays and still in the middle of a pandemic.  Do you have any suggestions for a safe socially distanced Thanksgiving?



#111 craine

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Posted 09 November 2020 - 08:00 PM

My Dear, Dear Catz,

This is an exceptionally difficult conundrum. Whilst at first blush it may seem as though Social Distancing and Thanksgiving are mutually exclusive, I fervently wish to prove that misconception false. This will necessitate the employ of a fair amount of creativity.

1) ALWAYS WEAR A MASK
2) Ushering in your guests: Wear a mask. Wear a smile.
3) Cleaning the bird: Wear a mask. Wear a smile. Wear long protective gloves.
3) Stuffing the bird: Wear a mask. Wear a smile. Wear long protective gloves. Wear pants.
4) Enjoying the holiday: Wear yourself out.

Helpful tips:

1) When serving food, reduce the number of people having direct contact with food and its dish. The host can either load each plate and set it aside to be collected by the recipient or you could be more daring and go for yardage; use a slingshot, spatula, etc. Think of Benihana.

2) Lots of food means lots of time in the bathroom. Try not to let the hallway to the bathroom become congested. Also remember to sterilize all surfaces of contact: faucet handles, door knobs, light switches, fan switches, the hoop, and the copy of Reader's Digest (see what I did there?).

3) Everyone should wear a mask at all times. If you and your guests cannot eat with masks on then you will need to eat outdoors. I suggest the roof. Nice view and any dropped crumbs roll away quite readily.

Hope this helps!!

Sincerely,
Dr. Craine

#112 Mountbara

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Posted 13 November 2020 - 03:58 PM

Dear Dr Craine,

    What is it and how do we cure it?



#113 craine

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Posted 13 November 2020 - 04:21 PM

Dear Mountbara,

Thank you for your inquiry. Whilst a known cure for the Coronavirus is as yet unknown we can still have hope that a cure will eventually be found. Perhaps the biggest clue to solving the pandemic issue can be found in the word "cure" itself.
The pork byproduct industry has been doing curing for centuries. Hams, in particular, have been cured using a variety of methods; salt, smoke, sugar, etc. Leading biomedical researchers are in fact currently looking into these methods. Their main difficulties to date include :

1) Getting a single virus cell to accept the salt without merely passing it. Perhaps not using table salt may remedy this difficulty.
2) The FDA and the Surgeon General will not permit the smoke option as smoking is bad for your health.
3) Using sugar has been the most successful as yet. The problem is that after administering said sugar the little virus vehemently resists going to bed at a reasonable hour.

Regards,
Dr. Craine
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#114 Catznchocolate

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Posted 19 June 2021 - 02:23 PM

Dear Dr. Craine, 

 

There is a trip I want to take next month, but it is too far for me to drive.  I have not been on a plane since January 2020.  Do you have any tips for safe air travel for summer of 2021?


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#115 craine

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Posted 19 June 2021 - 03:52 PM

Dear Catz,
As far as the health regulations are concerned I highly recommend wearing a face mask from the moment you enter the airport until you arrive at your destination. Bring your own hand sanitizer and wipes might be a good idea.
From the recent news coverage, the biggest health risk comes from unruly passengers and flight attendants in equal measure. If a fellow passenger refuses to wear a mask stay out of it completely. Just worry about you. You have a better chance of staying protected and your flight not being diverted by allowing the fight, I mean flight attendants to do their job.

Best of luck,
Dr. Craine

#116 Catznchocolate

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Posted 12 November 2021 - 06:26 AM

Dear Dr Craine - 

 

If a player decides to quit playing this game, what happens to their hero?  I am not talking about how inactive players are deleted, I am talking what happens to those heroes after that.  Do they go to the same place where socks go after I put them in my dryer?



#117 craine

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Posted 12 November 2021 - 07:33 PM

Dear Catz,

With evidence of incriminating photos which only I possess, I can safely say that YES your socks and deleted heroes go to the same place. Namely, it is the Yoyodyne Sports Pub and Bait & Tackle, where the karaoke is awful and the line dancing even worse. This establishment's one saving grace is Taco Tuesday, but stay away from the potato skins.

Sincerely,
Dr. Craine

#118 meljer

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Posted 25 November 2021 - 11:04 PM

Dear Dr, Craine

 

i recently started playing this game after a 2yr dry spell, but i noticed some strange things....when i am playing my selective hearing turns on and i can not hear my husband (is this a bad thing), also realized your platterpus from 2yrs ago that u walked hasnt made a appearance. i hope he is well, i want you to know tho that the spattergoit that i had is gone, but a do get a rash now and again, the powers that came from it though is astronomical.  i appreciate your advice then, i still think i owe you from that appt....are you good with getting paid in puss balls.  i look foward to your reply. 

 

yours truly,

 

meljer/operationredwings


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#119 craine

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Posted 26 November 2021 - 12:06 AM

Dearest Meljer,

Firstly, it is truly great to hear from you again. Welcome back. Unfortunately, in your absence, Humphreydale has gone to hell as a result of rezoning by some over-ambitious politicians and it's all your fault. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure that it is.

As for my platypus, I had to put him down. He bit the neighbor's Chihuahua right on the schnauzer and I was faced with legal repurcussions. So I told him that he was a bad platypus, that he didn't have any friends, that he was so ugly that I was going to feed him with a slingshot, etc.
After having been put down so many times he eventually ran away.

As for your bill from your last appointment: you falsified your mailing address. The bad news is that Ethyl Girdletight at 157 Quadcane Lane received both an additional limp and a hairlip before finally paying up. The good news is that your account is paid in full!

Now down to the nitty gritty. It's not uncommon for some people (and 62% of Chihuahuas) to experience selective hearing whilst engaging in activities which stimulate a certain part of the brain called the "Hippocrampus". The Hippocrampus is associated with intense perception, alertness, and bunions. Situated laterally towards the base of the brain and spanning from the left and right extremes it is separated from the ear canals by the slightest of margins. When stimulated, a severe compression or "cramping" is placed upon the eardrums. This is what causes you to tune out your husband's voice.
As with all things, there is a yin/yang duality. It is neither "good" nor "bad" and how you look at it has everything to do with your perceptions in this matter. It could be argued that it is good that you are able to focus so intently upon your gameplay to the exclusion of your husband asking, "Why isn't there mayonnaise in the fridge?" It could be argued that it is a bad thing that you are unable to hear him say, "Honey, the house is on fire and the aquarium is too heavy to move! I hope you're in the mood for fish tonight!"
The real answer, as with all things this complex, is that if you can't figure it out in five minutes you either have absolutely nothing to worry about or you're totally screwed.

Hope this helps,
Dr. Craine
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#120 meljer

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Posted 26 November 2021 - 02:08 AM

Dear Dr, Craine,

 

Im so very sorry about platy, but ill gift you a 3horned jackalope and a 7 eyed sloth named paul.  in my ramblings (which happen often) i forgot to mention the elephant in the room, he is 1220lbs and loud as heck.  he was asking me today (though idk if talking to animals is good) or im insane, but he was asking me today if he can go see you, i replied that you would be honored but that we have to do it while ur in ur infinity pool with Mr Thomas and Faithful..i heard your career sky rocketed when you found the cure for the bubonic plaque, and found the real location to alantas. i found it before you though it was ^$^##...$^$&%^*&$#&  wait...i cant say *%$^#$&...crap....herozero is blocking me saying the location sorry, but it was really me that found it...back to business, i was wondering if you can prescribe me something for turning purple, it could of been the gum...not sure...getting rounder and more purple.  


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