Posted 04 September 2019 - 11:15 AM
My dearest Faithful Aizen,
Thank you for being so brave by bringing forth such a potentially intimate question.
Without knowing more of the context around this situation I am limited to discussing it in terms that are general, clinical, abstract and mildly amusing in a manner that makes you look embarrassingly silly and me perceptively intelligent with a hint of mint.
Hitting on someone within the confines of the game is par for the course. However, to get to the reason behind the love attacks, we must investigate why they come from the individual in question. I will list the most common types of attacks, arranged by their number of covalent atomic electron shells alongside their equivalent from the periodic table of elements. Here we go!
1. Fr (Francium) The love tap
This is the puppy love of amorous pugilism. It can be as innocent as a questionable touch to see if the recipient is interested or if they have a pulse. Don't read too deeply into this one.
2. Si (Silicon) The lingering lean
This is less of an actual hit than it is an occupation of the recipient's personal space. This could be a quick visit or, if they brought a cooler with them, they may very well stay for the day. This is best illustrated by those women you see holding up light posts on street corners at two in the morning.
3. B (Boron) The Jane Goodall surprise
There is no mistaking this one. This is a full-contact-I-don't-care-if-you've-bathed-you-are-now-my-sock-puppet attack. You can see this in the behavior of gorillas on National Geographic.
This is a duck and cover event. You are going to really get it, so try to enjoy what you can.
4. C (Carbon) The Tet offensive
Now you've done it! Something about you has set their loins afire. Not only are they coming after you with everything they've got they are bringing the rest of the village with them! Anyway you look at it you're screwed. There is no bright side to this one. Once you are out of traction someone will make a documentary about the whole thing and you will have to change your name and move to another continent.
As for what you should do? That's all up to you. If you want no part of them then perhaps a none-to-gentle knee to the summer sausage is in order.
Best of luck to you,
FaithfulAizen and NewDay like this