17 replies to this topic

[Scrambler]

Gentlemen:

 

I am applying for the position of Window Cleaner at your exquisite mountaintop corporate office in Switzerland.

Being familiar with the high quality of goods that Yoyodyne produces, especially the local Swiss Cheese Shop, which I frequent regularly for the delicious cheese selections, I yearn for the chance to help your company ascend to new heights.

Coming off a winter job de-icing planes at the Swiss National Airport, where I've seen a lot of business travelers come to visit your offices, I am accustomed to working in cold conditions, and know how to use the proper mixture of de-icing fluid to keep your windows sparkling.

I am not afraid of heights or even falling, but I do have a problem with landing, so I shall endeavor not to do that while on the job, and would love to be able to ride the ski lift to work every day.

Thank you for your consideration.

 

Scrambler, Server: US4

[anouk5]

Job: Egypt

 

 

Hello,

Through this letter I want to offer myself as a vending machine filler in Egypt. I live near one of the most beautiful pyramids in the country. My camel is my most loyal means of transport. He stands at the door and knows the quickest way through the endless sand plains. In the bags on his saddle there is enough space for a load of soda cans. He runs so fast that he catches a lot of cold wind. This way the cans stay cold and arrive at their destination chilled.
The only drawback is that my camel is sometimes distracted by a female camel that passes by. He runs after them without thinking of me. Fortunately he never let me fall off his back, so I think he will take his job serious as well. 
In my previous job I worked as an acrobat in the circus. I'm good at juggling balls. Maybe I can also do well with soda cans? I'd love to try it out.

 

 

 

Anouk5

US4

[BanasPati]

job:Hotel Customer Service Representative, Yoyo Island

 

besides having an ideal body  and handsome face. I'm good at talking and socializing, my hobbies like meeting new people and getting to know all about them. for this reason I am suitable for this job. as long as you know, I can martial arts because I am the secret agent of the protection of the yoyo island.

 

US4 BanasPati

[Lord]

Your Lord

123 Athens Street, Athens, GR 12345 · 555-555-5555 · YourLord@email.com

 

 

 

 

June 16, 2019

 

Yoyodine

Human Resources

 

Dear Sirs,

 

I am writing to apply for the job in the city center, which I found listed on your website. I have worked as a distributor for the past four summers. During the summers of 2016 and 2017, I worked distributing yoyo for yoyo factory. As a result, I am confident I have the experience and skill to serve your customers in the manner they expect.

 

I am able to work evenings and weekends during the summer months.

 

Please feel free to contact me by email (YourLord@email.com) or cell phone (555-555-5555) if you have any questions.

 

Sincerely,

 

Your Lord US4

[Geryy]

Hi,
I'm applying for the position of hotel customer service representative in yoyo island that i found in your site.I have heard that yoyo island hotels are really busy in the summer and i think i can take it because of my experience in switzerland.I'm good at keeping the seafront and the hotel clean and keeping our guests safe.I can work the whole summer because i love yoyo island!!!

 

US4 Geryy

[UiEuh US4]

                                                                           UiEuh (US4)

                                                                     Langwiesstrasse 113

                                                                     Wetzwil, N/A, 8704

                                                       UiEuh@AyvA.net, (33+)044 280 68112

June 16, 2019

Switzerland

 

Right Hand of the anti Yoyodine Vandals Agency (AyvA).

 

Dears Lucifer and Poutine,

Currently the right hand of AyvA Agency, I am looking for another job for this summer (Yoyodine vandals took a summer break ..), from June 19 to August 20, available all the day from Monday to Friday, in order to finance my donuts while obtaining further professional experience. Also, your company would offer me the opportunity to learn more about cleaning and its new technologies.

I like very much the cold and thanks to the vandals I had to learn to clean the windows perfectly. I am not afraid of heights. I have a house near your extraordinary headquarters. I would really like to make it in your cleaning team!    

 

I remain at your disposal for further information that I hope to be able to present to you verbally.
 

In the expectation of a positive response from you, I ask you to accept, Mister Lucifer and mister Poutine, the expression of my sincere greetings.

 

UiEuh, Right hand of the anti Yoyodine Vandals Agency (US4).

[sumguy]

RE: Job - Vending Machine filler in Egypt

 

Dear Sir or Madam:

 

I was delighted to hear of your need for a Vending Machine filler in Egypt. I am uniquely qualified for this demanding role. Having been in Egypt for some time, I am well aware that providing cool refreshment is not only a need, but also a great opportunity for someone like me with a true entrepreneurial spirit. An efficiently stocked soda machine is like an oasis to anyone in this hot, dry environment, whether they be tourists taking pictures of the pyramids, or a cosplay Bedouin with his prop scimitar.

 

But what makes my qualifications unique is my large collection of dung beetles. For years, my beetles have been stocking up balls of hard-packed dung in amazingly uniform size and shape. A carpet of them can act like ball bearing, rolling cases of soda smoothly across the desert sands, without shaking them at all.

 

I can provide a demonstration at my interview. I look forward to working with you.

 

Sumguy
Server: us3

[craine]

Dear Sir or Madam or It,
      I am a reasonably effervescent biped and moderately hard worker. I was intrigued with your post for a window cleaner position in the balmy Swiss countryside. I am well familiar with colder conditions, having worked for nearly a fortnight straight at the Blue Icicle, Greenland's premier water park. I was in charge of performing alongside Butch the Lactating Platypus. I still have my rubber pants; they insulate well against extreme cold.
As for cleaning, there is no one better suited! I was raised to be a "clean freak". Having been constantly reminded as a child to keep my nose clean, I was voted "Most likely to pick his nose for a Happy Meal" in highschool and my OCD knows no bounds; I simply do NOT leave the house until I have carefully cleaned the plastic tips on the ends of my shoelaces in alphabetical order.
I realize that it may seem a bit presumptuous of a hero such as myself to apply for a job for a company repudiated to be among the most nefarious on the planet, but I firmly believe that you are merely the victim of horribly bad press. I sympathize with your plight. Why, I, myself am but one lab accident away from becoming a super villain!
I eagerly await an interview to prove to you what an asset I can be. Coincidentally, I was wondering if I could bring my conjoined twin, Rupert to the interview? You'll hardly know he is there and he really does most of the thinking. And please do not draw attention to the sixth finger on his left hand. He can be rather sensitive and suffers from irritable bowel syndrome when under stress.

Your future, humble lackey,

Craine, US3.

[Mountbara]

To the Job interviewer:

 

I would like to apply for the job of Window Cleaner in Switzerland. Taking this job will allow me access to the inner working of yoyodyne and their evil plots while allow myself to be circumspect, a must for the superhero business. I have no experience in window cleaning, none at all, but hey! How hard can it be? Slosh some cleaner on a rag, rub for a while and squeegee it off. Piece of cake. I look forward to hearing from you shortly, in the mean time, I have a carton of excelsior to clean up in Australia. Thank you vey much for your due consideration, 

                      Mountbara

 

Mountbara Server:US3

[NewDay]

To whom it may concern,

 

I am applying for the job of window cleaner. Why should I be hired? Well that's a good question. A good question which has been asked for years by many people applying for jobs. But, the true question is why not hire me? Okay, okay, I hear you, I should be telling you why I should be hired, and don't you worry, for I will be telling you just that. It takes a lot of courage for me to admit this, and I hope you are supportive of me when I finally tell you why you should hire me, as you should be to anyone applying for such a role, even if they do not get hired. Okay, well, uh, here I go, I will now tell you the true reason why I should be hired comes down to three simple words: I am evil.

 

- NewDay , US3

[Sparkles42]

Re: Window cleaner in Switzerland


Esteemed associates,

I can assure you that no one will make sure that there will be no dirt on your windows better than I. With my hatred of the cold, it will certainly be completed quickly. My patented superhero moves will make sure that no dirt can hit the glass. People will also no longer be able to leave fingerprints on the glass either. To assure this, I will move all the glass to a secure location, leaving your windows open and clear at all times! Your investments will be kept quite safe in my high tech hideout, where no villain will dare to soil your glass!
 

I believe you will find me to be your best choice, as you will find no one more tireless in their pursuit of cleaning up! I clean up tons of villains everyday after all! I have an extensive collection of community awards for all that I have done, and I will bring those same talents to dealing with your windows.

Sparkles42, US3

[frafont]

Job: Representative, Yoyo Island

 

Dear Sir/Madam,

I would like to apply for job in your Hotel. For experienced hero I am, it will be no problem to complete different tasks (and if there are too many, then I can call a few bots from my base). While traveling for my personal tasks I come around Yoyo Island very often. If any weird creature or villain tries to disturb or make a mess, then I am ready to stop them. If you hire me, we can make your hotel best of the best. And while working for your company, I can improve my skills and your place quality both.

That all said, I am sure that I am your best choice for available job as hotel customer service representative. Hope I hear from you soon. Even if you start from zero, in short time you can be great hero. I am ready and available almost any time (even superhero needs some time to sleep and recharge himself).

Best regards,

frafont, US3

[fumanchoo]

Job: Vending machine filler in Egypt

Dear Sir, 

I am writing to apply for your position filling the vending machine at the Egyptian pyramids. Equipped with my room bot 2000 and worker bot I feel me and my team would be a perfect fit in this position. We (they) can work in any conditions; are completely reliable. My bots are perfectly capable of carrying and restocking the vending machine, allowing me the unique benefit of being able to find and attract customers to further increase profit margins, improving the area around the vending machines with several attention grabbing events.

Under my control, and with the help of my friends, this vending machine will be the confectionery envy of the world, with people flocking far and wide for this experience.  

Our previous experience as the luggage handler at the State Capitol Airport is a testament to our physical ability to do the job, and i feel ready to make the step into a more customer facing position.

Yours sincerely, 

Fumanchoo, US4

[l0l1p0p`]

Hotel Customer Service Representative, Yoyo Island

 

17^th June, 2019.

TECHNOISMRELIGION

 

Yoyo Island Customer Service Managers

HCS Representative @ Yoyo Island

 

Dear Bonnie and Clyde;

Very pleased to head back from you on the offer at Yoyo Island for this summer time period. As requested, I’ve enclosed a complete job application, my certification, my resume and a couple of references.

 

The role I’ve applied for is very appealing to be, and I believe that my strong littering experience and my education make me a very highly competitive candidate for this position. My key strengths that would support my heroic failure in the given position would include:

• I have successfully been arrested multiple times, for harming and polluting the environment.
• I strive for as to ensure every street in a mile radius lacks cleaning for days.
• Great at stuffing multiple items from the buffet in my mouth without people noticing.
• Exceptionally heroic at treating guests miserably, and ensure they’re stay here with us is limited as to the smallest time period possible.
• Guaranteed pranks on mayo replacements with sun oil tan as for our beloved guests.
• I provide exceptional adventure and an unforgiving time if whilst me on the job.

With NCC degree in prison visits and captures, I have a comprehensive understanding of the full lifecycle for this clean development experience application. Please check out my resume, as for additional information on the numerous prison fights or litter drops throughout my last few years.

I can be reached hardly ever on the cell, so don’t you bother call nor do I rarely ever visit my e-mail, so contacting me as to when I,m granted this job is beyond impossible.

 

 

Appreciate your attention,

 

Yours Sincerely,

TECHNOISMYRELIGION, BG4

[Lacatus]

Hello Sir / Madam

 

My name is Lacatus and I saw you are looking for a Window cleaner in Switzerland.

 

To be frankly I have no experience in this kind of job but I'm young and I want to learn how to do it. It's summer and I need some money in my pocket to buy some new stuff for my autumn job when I will be back to herozero team. I don't know if this job require to clean windows at high altitude but my last job was in Adventure Park where I supposed to help our customers to have fun do jumping from tree to tree using some equipment for climber.

 

I hope you need my services ( I'm cheap )

 

Best regards,

 

Lacatus,

 

US2

 

[will10]

June 18, 2019

 

RE: Window Cleaner in Switzerland

 

To whom it may concern:

 

I don't know who you are (hence my salutation). I don't know what you want (I'm assuming it's someone to clean your windows). If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money (I really need this job), but what I do have are a very particular set of skills (lemur wrangling). Skills I have acquired over a very long career (not much money in lemur wrangling). Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you (lemurs poop a lot). If you let my daughter go now that'll be the end of it (no matter how much I shower I still smell lemur poop). I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you (seriously, lemurs poop a lot!).

 

Kind regards,

Will10

US3

 

P.S. I don't do windows.

[Kiraisgod]

Job: Vending Machine Filler

 

Hello, I am applying for the vending machine filler job in Egypt. I think I would be very fit for this job. As I will admit now while I don't go to Egypt often, I know how to memorize a map really quickly. I also know how to memorize different flavors of soda. I also have lots of experience with carrying multiple boxes of soda from long distances.

 

Once I carried heavy boxes of exclusive soda all the way from Yokio to my hideout in Switzerland.

 

Now you might be wondering, why would I apply for a job in Egypt when I could get a job closer to my hideout? Because soda is my life! it's a dream come true to have a job that involves soda.

 

I promise you if you hire me for this job, I will haul as much soda as you need without making them explode. I also promise you that I will always be on time for work.

 

Thank you for giving me the chance to apply for the job and I hope to hear back from you soon.

 

-Masquerade (US4)