Congratulations to all our heroes who aided in apprehending Thulk. We will be telling your story here over the next couple weeks. Check back every day for a new chapter. We hope you enjoy it!
Chapter 1: From Zero to Hero
Theodore Pyle was a simple soldier. He wasn't as athletic as the rest of the new recruits currently going through bootcamp and was constantly failing at the tasks his Drill Sergeant put him to. He was sure he'd never make it as a soldier. To make matters worse, he had been regulated to porter duties, forced to pick up trash and clean bathrooms and outhouses after the rest of the soldiers routinely wrecked them to make his job harder. Theodore considered dropping out, but he didn't want to disappoint his father who had been a war hero. As Theo was busy mopping the floor, Sergeant Unnie came in and started screaming obscenities at him.
"Private Pyle! What the hell do you think you're doing?" he yelled.
"Mopping the floor, Drill Sergeant!" answered Theo.
"Did I tell you you could talk, Private Pyle?" spat the sergeant into Theo's face.
"No, Drill Sergeant!" Theo replied.
"That's right, Private Pyle! I didn't!" Sergeant Unnie continued to scream at him. "What the hell kind of piss poor attempt at cleaning a bathroom do you call this?"
"I,...... I..... I was just getting started Drill Sergeant!" stammered Theo.
"I didn't tell you you could talk, Private Pyle!" the Drill Sergeant tongue lashed Theo. "So just shut your mouth and listen. You've got doo doo for brains, Pyle! You know that? Doo doo for brains! I have no idea how you got in my army but I hope my orders mean you're getting kicked the hell out!"
Sergeant Unnie slapped some papers into Theo's chest before continuing.
"Take these papers to Major Disaster and tell him who you are! Apparently they have need for a sorry, worthless excuse of a soldier like you! Maybe you got lucky and now you'll be cleaning poop up in the Officer's Lounge bathroom, but I doubt it. You're not even good enough to clean the poop off my boot! Whatever the case may be, you're no longer my problem! Now get out of my face before the Major has my butt for keeping him waiting! And you better run, Private Pyle! If you don't get over there in 10 minutes, you won't have to worry about cleaning the poop off my boot ever again because you WILL BE the poop on my boot!"
Theo ran as fast as he could out of the barracks towards Major Disaster's office building, careful not to drop the papers the Drill Sergeant had given him. He entered the building and handed his papers to the secretary at the front. She greeted him with a smile and, after reading the paperwork, directed him to where he needed to go. Entering the Major's office, he was greeted warmly and with an unexpected smile from the Major.
"You must be Private Theodore Pyle?" asked the Major.
"Um. Yes Sir, Major, Sir." Theo answered. "Sergeant Unnie told me you wanted to see me, Sir."
"Indeed I do, Private." the Major replied. "Private Pyle, I hear you've been having a bit of trouble making the grade. Now I've driven by and seen you struggling, and even with your lack of physical capabilities, I can see you have heart, Private. We could use a soldier like you for one of our special projects. I want you to come with me to meet some very important people who just might change your life, Private. How would you like to go from Zero to Hero?"
Um.... I'd like that very much, Major, Sir." Theo stammered back.
"That's good, son. That's very, very good." Major Disaster put his arm around Theo's shoulders and patted him on the back.
"You just come with me then, Private. We have a very special program that could very well change the face of how we fight wars from here on out. You, son, are going to be the Army's very first Super Soldier!"