175 replies to this topic

[SuperSamSam]

Dear Aunty Pink,


You seem to be into cars. Tell me, please, how do you not turn into Hulk when you're on the road ?

I practically killed someone with my lazer eyes, yesterday.

 

It just seems like muggles turn into animals behind the wheels and TRY to turn me into Hulk.

 

That is right, they TRY. Because, there is no way that type of behavior is natural. Ain't no one is born that way.

 

I'm a pacifist, I don't enjoy conflicts, I once gave a funeral for a fly, I killed by accident .  

But, I really felt near to attack that man. I mean, I'm a hero. I like muggles, I protect their lives.

It just seems like they have been TRYING me lately.

Not even talking about Mother Nature, she has been screwing on me lately.

 

Is that some kind of sick joke from the universe ?

 

Because this is not funny, you can't promise rain and darkness, and give people rainbows and sun. 

 

It's like she WANTS to make me puke. 

 

Not even talking about the birds...singing SO LOUD lately. 

 

Truly yours,
A pissed off unicorn.

 

 

Edit : That's right, I'm a unicorn. Just deal with it.   More seriously, muggles did this to me. I have to admit, it's really cute, but those people call themselves " bronies " ... so it seems a little suspicious. I would love for you to look a little bit into that for me. 

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Aunty Pink,


You seem to be into cars. Tell me, please, how do you not turn into Hulk when you're on the road ?

I practically killed someone with my lazer eyes, yesterday.

 

It just seems like muggles turn into animals behind the wheels and TRY to turn me into Hulk.

 

That is right, they TRY. Because, there is no way that type of behavior is natural. Ain't no one is born that way.

 

I'm a pacifist, I don't enjoy conflicts, I once gave a funeral for a fly, I killed by accident .  

But, I really felt near to attack that man. I mean, I'm a hero. I like muggles, I protect their lives.

It just seems like they have been TRYING me lately.

Not even talking about Mother Nature, she has been screwing on me lately.

 

Is that some kind of sick joke from the universe ?

 

Because this is not funny, you can't promise rain and darkness, and give people rainbows and sun. 

 

It's like she WANTS to make me puke. 

 

Not even talking about the birds...singing SO LOUD lately. 

 

Truly yours,
A pissed off unicorn.

 

 

Edit : That's right, I'm a unicorn. Just deal with it.   More seriously, muggles did this to me. I have to admit, it's really cute, but those people call themselves " bronies " ... so it seems a little suspicious. I would love for you to look a little bit into that for me. 

 

Dear Super SamSam

 

Thanks for asking!!

 

Ok, just to get this out of the way, I have no problems with unicorns, rainbow coloured or otherwise. I admit I like humans better than the undead and the like (although "like" humans is a bit of a stretch, I hate everyone), but Lennie is all right (Power Bottom's better half) and I got no beef with unicorns and ... look basically, if you're the type of fae/undead/magical being that goes around murdereing humans then we got a problem. Otherwise live and let live that's what I say.

 

You want me to look into who turned you into a unicorn? I charge professional rates + expenses plus a time and a half rate where magic is concerned (Look it's not me, it's the insurance company, they insist on charging me extra for the magic stuff and I have to pass it onto you or I'll never make anything at all on the gig. And I don't work for free. Not even for cute rainbow unicorns.

 

Now you say  it was "Muggles" that did it to you? Correct me if I'm wrong but "Muggles" are the ones that have no magic, right? so how in the hell did they do it? Magic box? Charm? paid a magician? As far as their being bronies, you're still under age, that makes it illegal in all 52 states so once I get them we'll have them up for corrupting a minor. Unless you preferred I re-educated them with a crowbar? (That's my preference, I hate paperwork and lengthy court cases. Also I charge by the hour for court work and for crowbar work and the crowbars tend to be quicker.) 

 

Let me know.

 

As regards the "not hulking out in the car" question? What makes you think I don't "Hulk out"? I got zero tolerance for the selfish drivers that make the roads a dangerous place with their stupid driving. Just this morning I saw some idiot unicorn behind the wheel of a car make an illegal right turn and it made my - never mind.

 

OK basically I have an arrangement with a guy at City Hall. He makes my traffic violations disappear and I don't hit him. it's the perfect arrangement, everyone's happy. I do advocate you try to come to some similar arrangement, It's amazing how many unhappy workers there are at City Hall working dead-end jobs on minimum wage. Getting one on side for a minimal monthly fee is an excellent investment.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink

[SuperSamSam]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

I can assure you, that unicorn wasn't me.    It would my pleasure to lead a little investigation for you. No fee required. 

 

You arrangement, with the City Hall guy, sounds a little suspicious. It sounds a little like you're threatening him more than anything else.

 

Yet, who am I to judge    . After all, I'm the one asking for advice here. 

 

Anyhow, I thought I would just drop the whole " brony " thing. I did.. for a while.

 

Up until yesterday night, when a friend brought horrifying pictures to my attention.

 

Indeed, they did, they turned many of my colleagues in ponies. 

 

Peter Parker, Alan Scott, Steven rogers, and even...you. 

 

Here are some.. pictures.

   Peter... -_-

That is Alan...

 So that is .. Steven.   At least, he looks happy..

You... 

I couldn't stand it, I had to find out what was going on. They go after me ? I can deal. 

 

No one goes after an entire hero league... 

 

SO I found one of those bronies... I used my lasso of truth on him. Apparently, they didn't need  magical powers.

 

They used something they call : " Abode Allascrator " ... I don't what that is... it sounds suspicious... 

 

Anyway, it is apparently an " honor " to be turned into a pony/unicorn by them. They are big fans of a pony show... 

 

Their new missions is to turn all the heroes in the world into ponies. 

 

I'm not sure how to feel about it...  I guess they meant " good " , and unicorns are powerful magical beings. 

 

So I think I should just drop the whole thing. 

 

What do you think ? 

 

 

Truly yours,

 

A proud unicorn 

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

I can assure you, that unicorn wasn't me.    It would my pleasure to lead a little investigation for you. No fee required. 

 

You arrangement, with the City Hall guy, sounds a little suspicious. It sounds a little like you're threatening him more than anything else.

 

Yet, who am I to judge    . After all, I'm the one asking for advice here. 

 

Anyhow, I thought I would just drop the whole " brony " thing. I did.. for a while.

 

Up until yesterday night, when a friend brought horrifying pictures to my attention.

 

Indeed, they did, they turned many of my colleagues in ponies. 

 

Peter Parker, Alan Scott, Steven rogers, and even...you. 

 

Here are some.. pictures.

   Peter... -_-

That is Alan...

 So that is .. Steven.   At least, he looks happy..

You... 

I couldn't stand it, I had to find out what was going on. They go after me ? I can deal. 

 

No one goes after an entire hero league... 

 

SO I found one of those bronies... I used my lasso of truth on him. Apparently, they didn't need  magical powers.

 

They used something they call : " Abode Allascrator " ... I don't what that is... it sounds suspicious... 

 

Anyway, it is apparently an " honor " to be turned into a pony/unicorn by them. They are big fans of a pony show... 

 

Their new missions is to turn all the heroes in the world into ponies. 

 

I'm not sure how to feel about it...  I guess they meant " good " , and unicorns are powerful magical beings. 

 

So I think I should just drop the whole thing. 

 

What do you think ? 

 

 

Truly yours,

 

A proud unicorn 

 

 

Dear SuperSamSam

 

Thanks f- 

 

WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK???????? 

 

Tell me who those people are who messed with my image. They are dead. Actually dead. No-one does that to me. (ask around what happened to the last "bronies" who crossed me and my friends... if your stomach is strong enough)

 

Drop it if you want, that's your call. I just need their names.... 

 

I can assure you that my guy in City Hall is perfectly happy with our arrangement and has never squeaked any kind of objection. He says "please" and "thank you" all the time so he must be happy right? 

 

Hope this helps me get those guys

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink

[SuperSamSam]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

 

As much as I would like to help you, I'm concerned about what might happen to the muggles, when you find them.

 

They are, in many ways, irritating. And, the death threat is not really reassuring. Giving you their names would make me guilty of what

 

happens to them. I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive them, especially after what I'm about to tell you.

 

So, I led my little investigation, and apparently, you are the most popular pony. Every single brony has a figurine of you. 

 

Now, that I typed it, I'm not so sure about it being a good thing...    Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need strength to

 

fulfill a revenge, but you need more strength to forgive. 

 

 

Hope this helps

 

 

So I'm supposed to ask something. Do you do predictions ? The Aunt Mirna's type ?

 

Because, I really want to know when Mother Nature will stop playing with my nerves. 

 

It was supposed to rain yesterday, so I took my heaviest cape with me. The result ? I was sweating like a camel the whole day.

 

It eventually occurred to me to take my cape off, but my armor was entirely wet. 

 

Truly yours,

 

Samsung 

 

Note : ... Heroes like giving the most absurd nicknames.   All that because I don't use my fangs as often, anymore.

I'm letting them have fun with it, but the pissed off unicorn will eventually come out... no mercy.

[King of Thieves]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

It's been raining for days now. I don't think it's been 40 days and 40 nights, but it's getting close and I forgot to build an Ark. I don't even live in Seattle. The other day, I even saw a guy walking a fish. I'd use my super powers to save the day, or at least myself, but unfortunately, when Morpheus gave me a choice, I took the blue pill and apparently now I don't have any powers. 

 

I haven't been able to mow the lawn either, and with all the rain, the grass has been growing out of control. I think it may have even evolved into a sentient being and has been plotting to take over my castle and overthrow me. 

 

I guess it wouldn't be that bad if I wasn't scared of water. I know. I know. Who's scared of water, right? But it all started when I was a kid and my brother and I were fighting in the pool. Mom came out and told us if we couldn't behave and get along, then we'd have to divide the pool and stay on our respective half. My brother picked the top half................ I haven't been the same since.

 

I heard our president has been meeting with recent military cadet grads and explained to them that the single greatest threat we face today is climate change. In light of the president directing our troops towards fighting the weather, I thought that maybe I'd join the service and learn how, myself. Unfortunately, I can't seem to get to a recruiting office since I don't have a boat handy. Also, it's not likely I'd graduate before the rain destroys the planet. 

 

Besides, with the recent admission by the military that HAARP really is a weather weapon, and not just a conspiracy theory by crazies in tinfoil hats, I'm afraid the military might be the villain who sent all the rain. I think they stole it from California. 

 

I decided, therefore, to make an attack on the HAARP facilities, but Alaska's pretty far away and again, I'm short on boats. Also, I really, really, REALLY hate the cold weather. I haven't had the best of luck in snowy areas.

 

Once, my car broke down on the side of the road in St. Louis. I called a tow truck and they said they couldn't get to it till the next day. Unfortunately, the snow plow trucks came by and buried my car, making it impossible to find. So I didn't get it back till spring came and melted away the snow.

 

Then when I was in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I was there for a week when the sun finally poked its head out. It wouldn't have been so bad in my mind if it wasn't for the locals all coming outside and taking pictures of the sun. I realized I had to get out of there and fast if seeing the sun was something that no one there really got to see often. I can't live without the sun. And I hear Alaska has long periods without any sunlight, depending on the tilt of the Earth's axis at the time.

 

It's really starting to look like Doomsday outside though and I'm not sure what to do. I mean, that guy killed Superman. 

 

On a lighter note, before all the rain started, I did manage to pass Law School. I had to go to the store and it was on my left. I passed it again on my right side on the way back. I think they should put my name on the building. After all, I did pay a lot of their graduate's student loans over the years. 

 

Back to the topic though, can you help me stop the rain before everything floats away? In case it's the apocalypse, I think I'm going to really miss toilet paper and I didn't stock up on an end of the world supply. If the answer is no, could you maybe mail me a red pill so I can get my powers back? 

 

Your's till the view out my windows include fishes,

 

Wet Willy

 

 

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

 

As much as I would like to help you, I'm concerned about what might happen to the muggles, when you find them.

 

They are, in many ways, irritating. And, the death threat is not really reassuring. Giving you their names would make me guilty of what

 

happens to them. I'm sure you can find it in your heart to forgive them, especially after what I'm about to tell you.

 

So, I led my little investigation, and apparently, you are the most popular pony. Every single brony has a figurine of you. 

 

Now, that I typed it, I'm not so sure about it being a good thing...    Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need strength to

 

fulfill a revenge, but you need more strength to forgive. 

 

 

Hope this helps

 

 

So I'm supposed to ask something. Do you do predictions ? The Aunt Mirna's type ?

 

Because, I really want to know when Mother Nature will stop playing with my nerves. 

 

It was supposed to rain yesterday, so I took my heaviest cape with me. The result ? I was sweating like a camel the whole day.

 

It eventually occurred to me to take my cape off, but my armor was entirely wet. 

 

Truly yours,

 

Samsung 

 

Note : ... Heroes like giving the most absurd nicknames.   All that because I don't use my fangs as often, anymore.

I'm letting them have fun with it, but the pissed off unicorn will eventually come out... no mercy.

 

 

Dear Samsung

 

what are you? An Ace? A Galaxy? I lose track, I swear you were a unicorn.

 

oh yeah, "thanks for asking" blah blah. Why I have to be nice to the idiots who write to me I will never know but it's there in black and white and pink in the Agony Aunt And Uncle Code of Practice. whatever.

 

 

Frankly I don't think knowing all the bronies want to be Unicorn Me's special friend is helping in anyway at all. GIVE ME THEIR GOSHDANGED (edited for the Under 18s) NAMES RIGHT NOW.

 

What else did you have to say for yourself? 

 

How can you predict the weather? I don't know look out the blooming (edited for the Under 18s) window before you go out? Unless you live in the arctic or the equator you can pretty much rely on the weather being unreliable so take a bag for the cape (Or don't wear a cape. Edna Mod has it right) and an umbrella, wear your sunblock and scarf and stop whining. Unless you live in Newcastle in which case you are obliged to go out in short sleeves (men) and high heels (women) all year long or admit to being "not hard". (Edited for the Under 18s).

 

Jeeze I don't know how you and LeapingLizard cope with daily life in the real world. 

 

Hope this helps

(Don't care)

 

Whatever 

Aunty Pink

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

It's been raining for days now. whine whine whine whine whine can you help me stop it raining? 

 

 

Dear Idiot. Sorry. "Wet Wet Wet".

 

No

 

Hope this helps

 

Aunty Pink

 

Pink... redo this. you know this isn't enough. Ed.

 

 

FFS

 

Dear "of Thieves" (that's my nickname for you. I don't believe in monarchies.)

 

Thanks for asking 

 

Well if you were a UKIP supporter you'd be happily blaming Ireland for all the rain right now but as you appear to have more than 2 braincells to rub together I'm guessing you're not in the Upper Class Idiot camp of British politics. 

 

So. Fighting the weather. Or possibly some weather-controlling magician. How do we think that's going to work out for us? 

 

OK... my fees for fighting magic users (double time plus an insurance premium). Plus my fees for likely death + the extra insurance premium for that. Plus expenses which will need to include a submarine, a boat and a waterplane. ... Yeah ok. I've always wanted to have a submarine. So long as you pay my fees of course. I know they're high but you're not going to get many others with my specific skillset and willingness to risk certain death for cold hard cash. So it takes a lot of cold hard cash. 

 

Rainpocalypse. I'm in. When do we start?

 

Hope this helps.

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink. 

 

PS also an umbrella. I'd better get one of those

 

 

                                                                   

[LittleOne]

Dear Auntie Pink

 

I have an issue.  My eyes have been assaulted.   I was sent a picture of a Dingelberry ----sent by a Dingleberry.  How do I properly remove this from my brain? 

 

Sincerely

 

Priscilla

[King of Thieves]

Unfortunately, only the Men in Black can help you now.

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Auntie Pink

 

I have an issue.  My eyes have been assaulted.   I was sent a picture of a Dingelberry ----sent by a Dingleberry.  How do I properly remove this from my brain? 

 

Sincerely

 

Priscilla

 

Dear Priscilla

 

Thanks for asking

 

Wow... sentient Dingleberries sending selfies... how did he even manage to press the keys? No on second thoughts I don't want to know.

 

OK well my editor informs me that I'm not allowed to suggest you dunk your head in several gallons of industrial strength bleach, nor "chemical cleaners" even if it might give you superpowers. So don't do that. (I still think it's worth a go myself, but don't do it.)

 

Unfortuntately Herozero has a large number of lawyers, even Turbulence's very own Buckeye Dove practices those dark arts (he used to be a fire demon but he's gone down in the world since we moved here). For a very reasonable fee any one of those ambulance chasers   lawyers will happily pursue a damages claim citing emotional trauma, psychological damage and all that legalbabble those shysters trained professionals go on about. With a bit of luck you'll be able to have a nice holiday somewhere hot with those expensive drinks in large glasses frou-frou'd up with fruit and paper umbrellas which should enable you to forget. Or if you prefer there's always large quantities of cheap gin. That makes people forget most things apparently. 

 

Personally I still think the chemical cleaners are worth a shot but don't do that. Our legal team are particularly keen that I point out that there are no known cases in HeroZero of people getting superpowers from dipping their faces in chemical cleaners. They claim that TwoFace doesn't count... Who knew? 

 

Hope this helps

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink

[PostmodernPugilist]

Unfortunately, only the Men in Black can help you now.

 

Dear "of Thieves"

 

Thanks for asking

 

Well you didn't ask but whatever.

 

What happened to that Rainpocalypse I'd agreed to help you sort out for a reasonable fee?

 

I say "reasonable" here because double usual rates + my "near certain death" fee + expenses + an umbrella + the extra insurance costs I'll incur  going up against some kind of weather controlling sorcerer IS reasonable. Believe me you got to pay for quality superhero assistance these days... I know, I know, Leaping Lizard is better but he's not going to come at all... Grendel is cheap but he's also sloppy. You want quality AND willingness to help you in a battle to the death against the forces of bad weather you gotta pay for it. 

 

If it helps I'll negotiate over the umbrella. But only cos it's you. My accountant will be muttering and moaning when he sees this.

 

Hope this helps

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink

[King of Thieves]

Dear Auntie Pink,

 

I apologize on the delay with overthrowing the evil HAARP facility, but I was informed by my son that he's got graduation this week. He likes to procrastinate on telling me these things. In fact, he put the "pro" in procrastinate. I have no idea where he got that from. I'd blame his mother, but it would only be half true. Also, my son informed me that his ceremony is also on my birthday. I was totally caught unaware. Mostly because at my age I tend to forget my birthday but also because I'm trying hard not to get any older. Besides, my dad always said I was hatched, not born. 

 

Currently, with the cost of graduation parties, I'm a bit short on funds for the operation, but thanks to the rainpacolypse, committing crimes to gather the necessary cash has been fairly easy thus far. Most of the stores are closed and the cops have a hard time getting there if an alarm goes off. When I do trip alarms, they usually short circuit anyway. Also, I get to use the cover of water to swim in unnoticed. When I do get caught, I tell them I'm not looting; I'm merely "foraging" for "survival supplies". This usually works because no one expects an Asian to be looting. Suckers! 

 

Also, there has been this pesky bandit running around town that I've been trying to catch. I promise, it's not me this time. You may wonder why I even bother trying to catch this bandit, considering I'm one myself. Well, aside from the fact that she has been hitting many of my licks before I could get to them, thus thwarting my own efforts to collect funds, she has been stealing all the toilet paper around town and that's a pretty crappy thing to do. Not only that, but she also looks a lot like the first one true love of my five one true loves. I'm not saying it's her, but.... you know. There's always hope!

 

(Placed Here To Thwart The Competition.)

 

When I'm not "foraging" for "survival supplies", I have been busy building our submarine out of plastic milk cartons and shopping bags. I have managed to make it float fine, but only when it is unoccupied. Also, I have managed to build an air removal device to allow us to dive deeper when needed. Unfortunately, I have yet to figure out a way to add air back in once submerged, to allow us to go back up. It has been a very trying experience for me to engineer such a contraption. I nearly lost my life twice when I was unable to bring the vessel back to the surface. Thank God I was only in 2 feet of water at those times and my son was able to rescue me by grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet. I might not be here today if not for him. 

 

But have no fear. As soon as my son's graduation is over, I have celebrated what I hope won't be my last birthday, and I have completed building our plastic bag and milk jug submarine, we will be on our way to thwart this rainpacolypse and the evil government that has unleashed it upon us! I only call them evil because I'm pretty sure that last batch of tornadoes was actually Cthulhu. So they must be in league with dark forces. 

 

 

Don't you worry. I promise I have been making preparations for our trip to Alaska and our assault on said military facility. I have been making a mission pack to get us through enemy personnel, like stink bombs and pepper spray. I packed crosses and supersoakers filled with holy water in case we run into any of the undead and a couple filled with unholy water in case we run into any TV evangelists. You may be wondering where I acquired unholy water from. All I can say is you've never seen my son's toilet. Speaking of toilets, I also packed some extra toilet paper packed in ziplock bags. In case it is the end of the world, I definitely want to have enough toilet paper. I've even packed two weeks worth of Villain Athletic Wear by Fuma for the two of us. 

 

 

When Being Bad Isn't Enough.

Fuma!

For The Villain In You!

"It's not enough to just be bad.

It's important to dress bad too."

 

 

Sorry, but you'll have to pack your own underwear. Unfortunately, Fuma only makes "Commando Undies". What a rip. I got home and opened the packages and they were empty........

 

 

In case you're wondering, since I mentioned my birthday, I turn 21 for the 20th time on the 7th, the same day as my son's graduation ceremony. I couldn't have asked for a better present from him. But for the rest of you, I accept gold, jewels, fast cars, faster women, working submarines, and game coupons. 

 

Sincerely till Moses parts the waters once more,

 

 

Eternally 21

[King of Thieves]

On a side note.................

 

Dear Auntie Pink.

 

Today I have committed a horrible atrocity. I destroyed the Rock...................

 

 

It wasn't intentional. I saw him shopping at the mall and ran up to get an autograph. But when I pushed a pen and a piece of paper on him, he shattered! Who knew paper would so easily defeat Rock?

 

 

He survived, but unfortunately he'll never be the same. Now, instead of being the Rock, he's been reduced to Pebbles.................

 

Sincerely, 

 

The Master of Misadventure.

[AngelicaSynn]

Dear Master of Misadventure

 

I have commandeered Angelica's account momentarily, so that I may continue to act anonymously in this forum...

 

You see me as your 'competition'...  so be it... unless you or another so-called 'hero' stops me, I shall continue to confiscate, obliterate or obfuscate any and all items I can manage to reach first.

 

That isn't even a good picture of me, what did you use, a 99 kilo-pixel cell phone camera?

 

Also, everyone knows that paper beats Rock,  so don't act so surprised...

 

I now return Angelica's account to her, with the proviso that I may 'borrow' it again without prior notice... after all, she's just another hero, how's she gonna stop me?

 

MB 

[King of Thieves]

Dear Bandit,

 

Actually, the "competition" are the others searching for you. In truth, I'm a fan. Like I mentioned in my message to Auntie Pink, I like fast women. And judging by how often you get to my licks before me, you're FAST! Though, I wish you'd stop stealing all the toilet paper. Being without toilet paper is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. In fact, toilet paper is what I'm going to miss most about civilization after the apocalypse. I'm hoping placing that cardboard cutout of you in my message to Auntie Pink will throw them off the scent of where you've hidden your actual current location.

 

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

HAIL HYDRA!

 

Sincerely,

 

Still on the Hunt

 

P.S. I don't use cell phones as this gives the authorities a way to track me. Instead, I send messages to those I need to contact via fortune cookies.

[PostmodernPugilist]

well that truly was a delicious "All you can eat" buffet.

 

I have no idea why the waiting staff got so rude, the sign said "All you can eat" ... I've got super digestion powers. Bargain for $11.95 

 

The  proprietor  proprietor   Propriator  boss was very nice, very concerned about my health.. and the time of day for some reason. ... oh well I'm sure all those enquiries about my bedtime were him just being nice and not him hitting on me. Jheezeoh I hate the Super-freaks., the ones that get hard for anything with superpowers.  wahtever

 

oh yes I had that delicious fortune cookie to take away. Wonder what my fortune says.

 

 

"PINK!! WHERE THE FREAKING HELL ARE YOU? FUMA" 

 

Oh I guess he wants me to get in touch, Suppose I should drop in on my column first. I'm sure he'll be fine. Bit wet maybe with that flood but overall he'll be fine. I'll explain about the all you can eat buffet $11.95 Magic Wok. he'll understand. Too good a deal to pass up. 

[LittleOne]

Dear Aunti Pink

 

I am hungry.  And all you guys talk about is buffets.  I hear we have some great culinary people here on HZ.  Any tips on reeling one in.  Maybe for a meal or for marriage.

 

Sincerely

Priscilla of the hungry

[SuperSamSam]

Dear Aunty Pink,

 

Muggles have, at many times, disappointed me. 

 

My faith in their species weakens a little bit more, everyday. 

 

But today, something beautiful happened. I was flying over the buildings, when I encountered this master piece. 

 

 

It is swell to know, that they still remember those who watch over them.

The beauty, the details, the contrast, even my badass eyes got watery. 

What I'm asking now is, do you like it ? 

 

 

 

Truly exhausted,

.. BLACKHAWKS,

A tired thing

[PostmodernPugilist]

Dear Aunty Pink,

 

Muggles have, at many times, disappointed me. 

 

My faith in their species weakens a little bit more, everyday. 

 

But today, something beautiful happened. I was flying over the buildings, when I encountered this master piece. 

 

 

It is swell to know, that they still remember those who watch over them.

The beauty, the details, the contrast, even my badass eyes got watery. 

What I'm asking now is, do you like it ? 

 

 

 

Truly exhausted,

.. BLACKHAWKS,

A tired thing

 

 

Dear "Blackhawks" if that is your real name Super SamSam

 

Thanks for asking!

 

What's with your bigotry against ordinary human beings? 

 

Listen, super-powered beings are a tiny fraction of the total world population. Whether you got it by magic or by being born the child of some freaky demigodlike being or through an unfortunate industrial accident, your powers make you stronger or faster or cuter or whatever. But they don't make you superior. 

 

Human beings are what make this world worthwhile. I should know I was born one. They laugh and cry and fall in love and get angry and most of them manage all those feelings in one day. Some of them have nothing literally nothing and still manage to find the time to be kind. Some of us work 70 hour weeks to make ends meet and we strive all the time to make life better. We make stupid mistakes we start wars and feuds and fall out over the most ridiculous things but we also patch things up. We forgive people. We look after each other. We do kind things to total utter strangers and we stand up for people we've never met and never will. We give to charity and we give to beggars on the streets and we are the best most amazing glorious paradox you will ever meet. We run into burning buildings and war zones and bomb sites to save lives and we do it WITHOUT super powers.

 

Human beings - are special. So don't you give me this "muggle" crap and act like normal human beings should be grateful to us 1% with our special powers and our stupid capes. 

 

And yes I do like the artwork. Someone created that with time and effort and love and it is beautiful. Who needs super powers?

 

Hope this helps

 

Whatever

 

Aunty Pink